I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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