clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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