hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
