He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
