forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
