Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
