so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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