my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
