whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
