why didn't you poke me back
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just high enough for therapy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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