Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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