Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
