I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
