Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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