my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
