You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
