Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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