are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
