My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
