They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
