Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
