i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sext me about skeletons
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
