i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
