The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
