You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
