no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
