So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
