so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
