You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
