3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
