I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
