Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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