alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
