Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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