My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
