you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
