how can u be prego again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
