He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
