i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
