someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We need to rekindle our bromance
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
