So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize