So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
