I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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