I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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