wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
