uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you had me at cake vodka
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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