And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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