ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
