It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I sprained my soul last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
