you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
